Every couple argues — the healthy ones just repair faster. Here are the three phrases I teach in nearly every first session.
1. "Let me try that again."
It resets a harsh start-up without anyone losing face.
2. "Help me understand."
Curiosity is the opposite of defensiveness.
3. "We're on the same team."
It reframes the fight: it's the two of you versus the problem, never you versus each other.